For the past seven years I have been too deep in the shit to even write about it. But now, as the persistent horrors of life have seemed to briefly remit, a crucial issue of our time must be addressed, the issue of rebranding. In the spirit of every reboot and nostalgic throwback to grace our screens I am renaming the title of this blog from “The Conservative Stay-at-Home Dad” to what it truly always was deep down… Trial By Fatherhood.

I have not been idle during this absence. Rather, I’ve been collecting many fantastic and curious tales which I intend to share with whoever cares to listen. Some will inspire. Some will horrify. Most will (hopefully) be funny… at least that kind of looking back funny we get from stories that start with “Remember that time…”

Assisting me with this chronicle is the astounding and terrifying technology unique to this generation. Each of my children has somehow managed to accrue more self-portraits than was dreamt of in the entire history of European Aristocracy. I must thank tinybeans for this glorious digital archive of babies rolling over, funny outfits, and general silliness. No, this is not a paid plug, but my marketing department dreams that someday it will be.

Why did I stop writing this blog? As aforementioned, I was deep in the shit. Like, I just got triple sat parties of 10 with split-checks level in the weeds. And really, that’s the rub with parenting. The first things you sacrifice are your hobbies and interests when you go into survival mode. Also, Lily learned to play videogames.

Why start writing again now? The littlest one is starting Kindergarten in the fall. I’m optimistic that the organized daycare that is the public school system will allow me to recapture a little of that illusive thing childless individuals call “free-time.” Beyond that, the kids actually are starting to show small signs of ability to govern themselves. Granted, I’m not about to let them go vote, but it makes a massive amount of difference when you first reach the point that you don’t need to constantly have eyes on that little toddler who is frantically trying to invent new ways to kill themselves. In a controlled environment, the big one can even watch the little one through the wonderous invention of tattling.

Yes, there were trials and tribulations. Yes, there will be more. Join me for the walk through the fire.